Heather

As I stated in my last post, I plan on updating my journal at least once every day. This is my second day, so it seems that I'm doing okay so far. I guess it all depends on how tired I am when I get home from work.

David got home late from work yesterday. Apparently, he had to talk to Deron about his customer service. Now, I realize that David doesn't have great customer service, but he has managed to get a little better since he has worked there. He can now work as a cashier somewhere if he wanted to (which I know he doesn't). It is just a new skill that he picked up while he has been at the theater. Anyway, obviously he was written up because his GM is a complete dick. The things that this manager does just makes me sick, and I want nothing more than to go to his place of work one day and just catch him doing something that he isn't suppose to be doing. That would so make my day. It would give me a reason to write into the company, and complain about what the hell is going on there. Hell, I could put some of my journalism skills to work and write an article about the place (and how it is ran horribly). I doubt that it would do much other than get David fired though.

It just pisses me off that this GM is just all over David for nothing at all. Even the jackass that was running the place didn't bother David all that much. He called him a few wrong names, but at least what's his name let him try to do things (like floor lead and such). Instead, once Deron showed up David was removed as floor lead mostly because David didn't kiss the GM's ass like everyone else did. Things like that just makes me sick, and I can't believe people like this Deron are in charge of things (especially when he is a complete idiot).

I do know that Deron did do something wrong when it came to writing David up. He let Debra leave the room while Deron was still writing up. She is a witness, so she HAS to be there. It is sort of like that at my job. My department manager actually doesn't give me the write up, but one of his lackeys does. There doesn't have to be a witness for that one, but if I have a conversation with one of my managers, then there has to be a witness. Though, getting in trouble at Wal-Mart required a witness to the whole thing. It worked that way in my very first job (since they accused me of stealing). Though, the witness is there to make sure that things don't get out of hand pretty much. Since she left, Deron could have pretty much done anything that he wanted to do. David could lie and say that Deron threatened to kick his ass or something. Since there was no witness to it, who is to say it really didn't happen (other than Deron who is apparently known for making things up when it comes to David). David has every right to contact the regional manager for that one simply because procedure wasn't followed.

I actually told David to contact Corporate. I would just skip the regional manager all together and go straight to the top. David is pretty sure that would probably get him fired, but if things were serious enough they would have to at least look into how things are being treated there. There has to be at least one person on the corporate ladder that cares about the employees that work for them. I could be wrong there though. With how corrupt people tend to be me now days, it wouldn't really surprise me if no one actually cared.

Sadly, that is how it is with my place of work. I mentioned in my last journal that there was an article in the Tacoma paper about the EQC. I thought it was a very interesting article. For example, the said that the casino, in 2007 made 275.5 million dollars. That is actually 79.5 million dollars less than what they could be doing considering the customer base they have access to. The thing that bothers me isn't the fact they aren't making what they could be making (if they would just make the place look nice, they would make a hell of a lot more money). The fact that they spend 7 million dollars a month on all their tribal members. Seriously. Just 7 million dollars a month out of 275.5 million dollars? That is only 84 million dollars a year, so where is all the rest of the money going to? It certainly isn't going to the casino, but the place is still a dump. It is getting worse as time moves on. They certainly have the money to give some us a raise too, but that won't happen. Out of all of the casinos that are in this state, the EQC is actually the lowest paying one out there.

Another interesting thing about the article is that it mentioned that there were at least 12 to 20 "ghost employees". That means that these people are getting a pay check without even being there. Sadly enough, I know it is true too. There was a woman named Ernestine that I use to work with in my department. She was a crap employee, but she was robbed one night while she was in non-smoking. The guy took her pouch, and ran off with it through the fire exit in there. We didn't see her after that incident, but she was still on the schedule for at least 5 to 6 months. A few people would see her outside of work, and she said that she was still getting paid even though she wasn't there working. She would even show up to pick up her pay check. Apparently, the reason why she wasn't at work was because she was traumatized after being robbed. Something like this has happened to other employees, and they went home for the rest of the night but they came back the next day! It wasn't as if she was hurt or anything, and we all know she didn't put up a fight for the money in the first place. So for 6 months, most of us were pissed over the fact that she was still getting paid even though she wasn't doing the work. Luckily, she isn't a ghost employee anymore. She was fired finally after she didn't show up back to work when she was suppose to.

It is the very fact that the casino has more than one ghost employee that kind of makes me sick. They also regularly by pass good employees for promotion, and go with their native preference even though that native doesn't have any experience. I've seen that done a few times within the casino since I've worked there. Sadly enough, I know my department is actually one of the worst within the casino. The slot department just makes the most money within the casino, so it just happens to be the most corrupt too.

The article mentioned a lot of other things that I can't exactly remember. What stands out in my mind through it all though is that the tribal council (the ones that run the actual casino) are doing nothing about it. I don't know why exactly, but I'm assuming it is because they think it is working well enough, and so there is nothing to fix. They just don't care enough.

I wonder if there are any businesses out there that aren't corrupt in some way.

I've only had to work four days in the past two weeks. Normally, people would think that is great, but I'm not getting paid for these days off. If I'm not working, I'm not earning flex time, and if I'm not earning flex time then it is possible that I won't be able to visit my family. I'm really not too worried about not getting paid. I can always earn some of that money back.

Anyway, the reason why I haven't been working is because I've been suspended from work. Last week, I was suspended because I was tardy 3 times in a 30 day period. I knew about one of them, but I didn't know about the two. One was way back in march, and one was only a minute. I don't remember what I did back in March when it comes to clocking in. That one minute one isn't something I remember either, but I probably wasn't paying attention either. Either way, I got a 3 day suspension for that. I just find it kind of silly that I'm getting peg with these things when for one or two minutes. They should give someone a little leeway on these things, but they aren't going to. Since the economy in this state is really down, they are looking to fire people. Plus, they are losing a lot of business as of late. In the end, I guess that means that I will have to be extra good for a little while.

This week I was suspended for something completely different. I'm actually mad at myself for this one because I don't have a clue as to what I did. I was $135 short back in April. I know that I wasn't exactly feeling good on that day, but that normally doesn't effect my job performance (especially when I'm not doing much of anything to begin with). Though, this shortage is just baffling to me.

It was one of our slower nights (which is Sunday through Thursday), so I wasn't doing anything. I was talking to Jennifer (one of the cashiers) in the back of the casino. Well, a couple came up to her wanting $135 in $5 tickets. She asked me if I would do it for her because I all ready have my tickets printed. She has to print out the tickets, and that would take some time. I told her I would, and the man gave a hundred, twenty, ten, and a five. I verified the money, marked the money, then placed the cash between my pinky and ring finger while I counted out the money. I swear that I counted out to myself $135. That was my first verify. My second verify is actually counting out the money to the customer, and I swear I saw five dollar tickets in my hand. I counted it out by fives obviously. When I was done with the tickets, I placed the money in my pouch after verifying it one more time. It took me about fifteen minutes to realize that my pouch felt really light (it was after I helped another customer). I looked inside my pouch, and I noticed that my ten dollar tickets were low (and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why since I wasn't selling tens that night). That was when it dawned on me that I was short, so I ran to the station to get counted down. Sure enough, I was $135 short in cash.

I tried to figure out what I did after being counted down, but I did everything right. The only thing I can think of is that maybe my five dollar tickets were mixed up with my ten dollar tickets. I don't know how they got mixed up, but they did. Either way, I spent the rest of that night trying not to sell tickets because I was afraid that I would make the shortage amount larger.

The punishment for shortages depends on the amount that you were short. Runners, such as myself, have a stricter policy than the cashiers because we carry a much smaller amount than they do. If I was short only ten dollars, then I would only have a slap on the wrist. Since it was such a high amount, I was suspended for 3 days. I also had to call our Employee Assistance Program (EAP) for a professional assessment of my mental health, and finally I have to retake the cash handling class that I took two years ago.

I called the EAP people today, and I'm proud to report that I'm not crazy.

I actually contacted all of these people yesterday (and that was kind of a process because HR wouldn't connect me to the person I needed to talk to). My cell phone is out of service until I get my new one, so I had to use the home phone or David's cell (thanks by the way David). That kind of stressed me out because I don't like using the home phone. Plus, I lost my debit card last week, so I had a few bills that were past due because of that. Luckily, I managed to get my new debit card in yesterday, so I changed the number over on the bills that I pay online (or at least the ones I could change over. The internet bill was still past due until today because their website was down). At the end of yesterday, I ended up buying four movies to cheer me up.

I'm hoping to find out if I can visit my family tomorrow. I probably won't know until the end of May (which means that my plane ticket is going to cost me a ton of damn money). I probably won't get it now that my flex time is all screw up due to having six days off. I figure if I think negatively about it then I won't get my hopes up. I'll still my hopes off, and I'll be horribly depressed for about a week. Though, if I don't get it off in June, I'm thinking maybe I can visit my family in Sept for Dad's birthday (and the Oklahoma State Fair). It will be a lot cooler in Sept anyway. Of course, that is providing I can avoid getting into trouble until then.

I heard about Livejournal just shortly after I joined KC. Everyone back then was using the journal, and it was the source of much drama between a lot of people back then. Being that I was a teenager at the time, I had to join in the drama.

I used livejournal almost everyday back then too. It wasn't as if I had anything interesting to talk about, but I wrote it anyway. Once I graduated from high school, I wrote about work the most. What I liked most about livejournal was the fact that I could read other things written by other people. Plus, I was a bit of a comment whore back then, so I always wanted to know what people thought on my journal entries. I didn't get nearly as much comments as I wanted.

That all changed when I started to talk bad about people though. I actually had to start a new screen name for livejournal because my old what was just filled with nasty things directed towards me. I caused it admittedly, but I enough was enough for me. That is why I started this journal. I don't use it as much as I did back then, but I still check on it regularly.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with death. I remember when my Grandpa died, my cousin Tina sent everyone a picture of Grandpa in a frame. It was her way of dealing with his death I guess. My way of dealing with his death was to simply move on. I know that Grandpa wouldn't have wanted us to be sad over him. Okay, well I'm pretty sure he would have wanted us to be a little sad, but he knew it was coming. The whole family was basically prepared for his death (especially after he was put in a nursing home). I got to say good-bye, and that was the most important thing to me.

I think I have mentioned this before, but Chris' death was very different. First off, it was so sudden. The thing that gets me the most was that he was so young. He was only three years younger than me, and his life is now over. Even now I have a very hard time believing it. Somewhere in the back of my mind I feel as if it isn't real, and I'm not sure how to make it real. I know he is gone. The logical part of me is telling me that he is gone, but it doesn't feel like it. With that in mind, I find it very hard to grieve. I figure that when I go back to Oklahoma, I'll visit Chris' grave by myself to say good-bye. I didn't really get the chance to say to good-bye back in July (as I was kind of busy with the family).

In the meantime though, I made something in memory of Chris. I've told my mom, grandma, and a few people at work about my little project, and it is finally finished. I figured it would help with the grieving process. It is going to take a little bit more time for me to get all the copies out to my family (as it is going to cost me money), but I figure that by Christmas time I'll have them all done.

Either way, I figured I would give a little preview of what I was working on. I had to take a picture of it because it is too big for me to actually scan.

( Philosophy On Girls )

I first ran across this interesting little read at work. Apparently, one of the many girls I work with found it on myspace. Now, myspace is full of idiots, but this rant about girls was well thought out (in my opinion)for a rant. He could have refrained from using curse words, but as mentioned before I see this as a rant. The reason why I see it as a rant more than an actual observance is because this guy has obviously been the best friend to a girl that he liked. He didn't like his position, and he saw his best friend go out with more than her share of assholes. Of course, he never had the courage to ask the girl out, but when he finally did he was rejected.

Despite this being a rant, I do actually agree with it. Girls (including myself) what the ideal guy that was described in the rant. At least, that is actually what I want in a nutshell. The thing is, the asshole always has an ace up his sleeve. He tends to know what girls like, so in the beginning he plays that part. Guys might be able to see right through the act, but most girls don't. We are looking so hard to find the guy that fits what we want, that we fall for the first guy that even remotely shows those qualities (not realizing that our best guy friend has those qualities and more. Otherwise, we wouldn't be friends with that guy right?). Then we whine and complain because he isn't the guy that we first got to know. He changed and turned into an asshole. In reality, he was always an asshole.

Once the asshole ways of the asshole guy finally start to show themselves, we do try to change him. Not only that, but a lot of us try to change who we are so that we can fit the asshole guy's needs. In the end, it doesn't work. The girl ends up getting her heart broken because she was stupid enough to fall for the asshole's charms. Then, after the so called relationship is over and done with, the process starts all over again. You would think that after the first time around that a girl would be able to pick up on the asshole traits (as they are noticeable when you first meet an asshole guy). For some reason though, many girls can't see through the act. I haven't figured this one out yet to be honest. Even I fall for the charms for the asshole guy, but I'm able to realize that the guy is an asshole pretty easily. I haven't had a lot of experience, but I figure that if the guy knows exactly what to say (in such a way to make you want to melt) to a girl then he really is just an asshole. I figure the guy that is stuttering out the words, or generally just making a fool out of himself is the good guy. I was just generalizing there, by the way.

What really gets me is the very fact that so many girls will agree with this. They will say that they are different, but they really aren't. We all go through the same mistakes. We always fall for the asshole guy at least once, and if you haven't fallen for the asshole guy then you are just lying to yourself.

I also feel that this rant can be turned on guys too. I can't claim to know what a guy wants. I know that they want their ideal girl, but I don't know what that ideal girl is. I do know that sometimes the girl they really want is right under their noses too. I've been in that position too many times to count. I would like a guy, be friends with that guy, listen to the guy complain about his relationship, and then I would wonder why he wouldn't open his eyes and just look at me.

I guess I just feel that both men and women are idiots when it comes to the relationship stuff. Both genders refuse to see what is right in front of them (most of the time).

By Jay F. Marks
Staff Writer
An Oklahoma City man was charged today with a felony count of unauthorized removal of a dead body.

Noland Edward Singleton allegedly dragged the body across the street after a man died at his home July 4 from a drug overdose, according to court documents.

Singleton, 33, initially told Oklahoma City police no one had been inside his home at 3214 Pioneer Avenue, Detective Robbie Benavides wrote in an affidavit. He eventually admitted Christopher Nathaniel Kuehn had used heroin there before leaving.

Singleton said he didn’t know how the 23-year-old’s body ended up across the street, the affidavit states.

Several witnesses said Singleton told them Kuehn had overdosed at his house, according to the affidavit. One admitted to helping Singleton drag the body across the street after Singleton said he couldn’t afford to have the police in his house.

The witness who helped Singleton called 911 after moving the body, the affidavit states.

Detectives noted drag marks on Kuehn’s body and outside Singleton’s house, according to the affidavit.

Singleton faces up to five years in prison and a $5,000 fine if convicted.

Anyone that knows me on any sort of decent level knows that I like to role-play. I started role-playing (if you want to call it that) ten years ago because a couple of my friends had introduced me to the Dragonlance books. I became a little fan girl. If it wasn't for that chat, I probably wouldn't have met David.

Once KC started to go down hill, David started his own chat based off his own world. It wasn't as popular as KC, but it was still kind of fun. Though, the chat didn't work out, and David decided to just run regular AD&D sessions with people that wanted to be apart of it. Now, at that time I had never really been introduced to AD&D. I had some of the basic ideas down, but that was really about it. David helped me out a bit when it came to actually playing the game, and I really liked playing in his games. I felt that the story that he was telling in his games were interesting (and it was fun to be apart of the story in some way).

On top of David's games, I added a few play by post/e-mail games to my list of things to do. I found that those were extremely fun as well.

It has been five years (I think), and I'm still apart of David's game. He just recently ended one of his games so he could start work on his new world. I figured that I would get a little break from role-playing AD&D for a little while (as I felt I was getting burnt out on it). Well, I ended up joining another play by post game run by one of David's old players. It took me forever just to make a character for the game (which is a sign for me that something is wrong). I managed to get the character done, and I've been playing her for a few months now.

Anyway, another one of David's players decided that during the downtime that David was going to have, he was going to run his own game. Now, I admit that the world that he decided to use was interesting. It would be a lot more fun than the last game that he ran. The problem is that I just can't get a character down. I wouldn't even say that I'm burnt out, but I just don't want to play. I wanted to have a little break from playing AD&D in a chat while David was working on his new world, and I think that is understandable. I realize I don't put as much work into my characters as David does in his worlds and such, but even players need a break once in awhile right?

Of course, when I finally told David that I basically just don't want to play he got depressed. He wanted to play the game with me, but I simply don't feel like it. I feel kind of bad for disappointing him that way, but I know it isn't going to be fun for me. I would basically be just humoring two people, and I don't want to do that. I rather just be honest about the fact that I'm just tired.

So, David is basically mad at me right now. Actually, he is probably more disappointed than mad.

July 4th has always been one of my favorite holidays (after Christmas). Nothing bad hardly ever happened on the day (except for a few fires that my family would cause from time to time while shooting off fireworks). It was a day for my family and I to get together, and we would have a generally good time. I have some really fun memories of the day when I got to spend it with my family.

It has been five years since I've been able to spend the 4th with my family. I had Wal-Mart (when I worked there) give me the evening off because I knew it was probably going to be the last time I spent the 4th with my family before I moved. Christmas was the big holiday, so I would try to make it home then. I didn't even realize that I would miss having my own fireworks show. Sure, there are a lot of places up here that put on a fireworks show, but it just isn't the same. My family and I had our own thing going. Though, I grew use to it.

At the last minute this year, I tried to get a few days off during the 4th so I could spend it with my family this year. Work wouldn't let me off though, so I made plans to try to go home during September. It was really no big deal. I would be a little depressed, but I would get over it sooner or later. What I didn't expect was the news that I got this morning before I went to bed.

I wasn't really paying attention to my phone last night. I left it in the kitchen, and I was spending most of my time in my bedroom watching movies. I guess it was around 8am that I finally grabbed my phone (so I could set my alarm), and I started my routine of watching an episode of Stargate before bed. I opened my phone, and I noticed that I had two calls. I found that a little odd because no one ever calls me, so I checked to see who called. Grandma was the first call, and my mom was the second call. I only had one voice mail message, so I checked that. Mom was very very upset when she left that message. I knew she was in tears, and she was having a very hard time controlling herself. She just said I needed to call her when I got the message because she had bad news. Now, I knew something was wrong because the only time my mom calls me like that is when dad has really pissed her off, or something has happened to one of my family members. I was literally shaking when I called my mom back right after I heard that message. I was thinking the worst. At first, I thought old age had finally caught up with grandma (despite the fact that she was the first one to call me). I then thought that something went horribly wrong with my aunt Nancy (because she is having serious health issues). I even thought that something horrible happened to my dad. I don't ever get calls like that from my mom, so I was freaking out a little bit.

I really didn't expect mom to answer the phone, but she did. She was still in tears when she answered, so the first thing out of my mouth was "What's wrong? What's going on?" The words that came out of her mouth shocked the hell out of me (at first). I didn't expect it, and even now I'm not even sure I can believe it. She took a moment to compose herself, and then she said, "Chris is dead." I thought maybe I didn't hear her correctly, so I asked her, "What?" She said it again, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was so...unreal. I felt as if I was in some sort of dream despite the fact I was crying my eyes out. I couldn't compose myself at all even though I tried. I didn't want to upset my mom even more than she all ready was.

Not many of you are going to know who Chris is. Chris is one of my younger cousins. I never really talked about him a lot because there really wasn't a lot to say. He was pretty much the screw up out of all of the cousins. Despite being the screw up, he and I were rather close. Mom, dad, and I helped raise him for years, and he would spend the night at our house all the time. Not only that, but he was also the only other cousin that was an only child. Chris and I just kind of bonded like a brother and sister would bond. We would fight like brother and sister, and then we would defend each other like we were brother and sister. We could be extremely hateful towards each other, and then we could be extremely sweet towards each other. Of course, that was when we were little kids. Once we got older, he started to get into drugs and drinking. I just went down another path, so we just kind of drifted apart.

I kept tabs on Chris from Grandma and his mother, but Chris never really said much to me. It wasn't until recently that we slowly started to talk again. From what I understand, his time in jail made him realize that he was truly screwing up his life. He knew he needed help, and he was on his way to getting better. He started talking to me again (and he even told me he loved me like a sister which was just odd for Chris), and he seemed to start finally settling down a little bit. He still had a long way to go, but he was getting better. He even expressed the desire to come visit me in Washington when he was able to leave Oklahoma again.

I don't know the whole story, and I don't think I will ever know the whole story (despite how much I think I need to know the whole story). Chris turned 23 years old 8 days ago. From what I understand, he got totally and completely drunk on his birthday. That led to a fight with his girlfriend, and they didn't talk for a week. Chris was depressed over this, but he still managed to go on with his life. He went to his meetings like he was suppose to (Grandma took him), and he even spent quite a few hours with our little cousin Patrick (I know I've mentioned him before). Grandma said that the two of them had a really good time on the 3rd. Well, that night Chris went out with some of his old friends. He was told not to go out with them by some other friend, but Chris has always done what he wanted to do. Of course, that led to taking drugs. This is where it gets a little confusing. Chris took heroin, and he either passed out then died. Or he either passed out, went into a convulsion, and then died. We aren't exactly sure at this point. Either way, the boys that were with Chris didn't call 911. They tried to give him mouth to mouth, and that didn't work. I guess they freaked, so they dragged Chris' body out of the house they were in, and they left it in someone's yard. They apparently did call the police afterwards, but it was too late.

I feel so powerless. I want to do something, but there is nothing I can do. I'm actually a little afraid to call my aunt Sheila (Chris' mom) because I know that I'll just get upset. I know that she has a lot to deal with considering that she is his mom. Not only that, but she is taking care of his little girl too. One of the few things that I hope he knows, or he did know, was that I did care. He might have driven me nuts with the way he acted, but he was family. I loved him despite how badly he screwed up. I feel kind of bad actually. He asked me to call him a couple of months ago, and I stupidly didn't do it. I know that there was nothing that I could have done, but it still doesn't stop me from feeling bad.

I don't know when the funeral is. They still have to examine the body, so it might be a little while before I know anything for certain. I do know that I want the time off to go to the funeral. The only problem is that I don't think my job is going to cooperate with me on this. The most I can do is explain the situation (explain what Chris was to me for the longest time), and maybe they will have a heart. I just know that if I don't go, I'll regret it.

I guess the only thing I can do is hope that he is at peace.

So much for a Happy 4th of July, huh?

I don't normally go about supporting things in general. I have this thing with speaking about views that I might hold. Conversations such as those can get very heated, and I much rather just avoid confrontation all together.

In this case, it has to deal with wildlife conservation. Anyone that knows me knows that I have a weak spot for animals in general. Kittens actually happen to be my biggest weak spot, but they aren't endangered. The animal I'm sort of supporting right now actually happens to be the Southwest wolf. It is the most endangered wolf in the world. There is a Congressman (Steve Pearce) that is trying his hardest to stop these wolves from being reintroduced into the environment. I tried looking up his reasoning for this, but I haven't been able to find anything.

Anyway, I can't really donate money to saving these wolves, but I can pass along the information to other people. If you are interested, then check out the link at the end of this note. It should take you to the fact sheet on the Southwest Wolves. There are also other endangered animals you can look up as well.

http://www.defenders.org/programs_and_policy/wildlife_conservation/imperiled_species/wolves/wolf_recovery_efforts/southwest_wolves/index.php

Note: I wrote this a few years back. ti was my first big feature piece when it came to writing articles. I actually placed it on my dA page, and I received a few good comments about this article in general (especially from atheists). Either way, for those that have asked for a sample of my writing, here it is.

"The fool hath said in his heart, there is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good." Psalms. 14:1

Worshippers all over the world believe that anyone who does not believe in God must be evil. David, a 22-year-old atheist from the Mississippi Gulf Coast, believes otherwise. He is willing to prove that atheists are not the evil demons that people make them out to be.

While David made a pitcher of Kool-Aid in his kitchen, he explained that he was raised as a Catholic with his father in Mississippi for about four years. Afterwards, his mother took him to Utah, where he was raised as a Mormon for six years. In both cases, David never officially joined the Mormon or Catholic Church. It was only after he went to live with his father again that he started to question his faith and the faith of so many others.

"I was too young to understand separate religions back then," said David. "They seemed to be the same to me."

"AS David grew older, he started to study as many religions as he could. He did not only study Christian religions, but other western religions, eastern religions and even mythology. He also studied science, history and philosophy. It was after his study that he started to realize that he did not totally agree with any of these religions.

"I decided," David said, "to worship God in my own way, dropping all organized religion completely."

When he was around 13 years old, he started to call himself agnostic, which he explained as someone who is unsure if there is a God. Agnostic literally means, "without knowledge." To some people, agnostic is just what you call yourself when you do not want to admit you are an atheist, or in shirt, a closeted atheist.

It was only a few years later, after studying the Christian bible and other religions texts that he came to the conclusion that there was not a super natural being watching over us.

"Man made God in order to explain things he did not understand," explained David." With science, we can pretty much explain things, such as sickness being caused by germs and not evil spirits and that life evolves from a single cell organism."

After three years of study, at the age of 15, David finally started to call himself an atheist, which he explained as literally meaning "without Gods." David was taught when he was younger, that the world viewed atheists as cruel, immoral, evil and heartless people. Even the people he considered his family and friends believed that. So, in the beginning, he was afraid to state his belief, or his lack of belief.

"The word [atheist] does not state what kind of person you are," David stated seriously. "I learned I can be ethical and moral without religion and I can sometimes be more ethical and moral than those who do believe in a religion."

For example, some of the great men in history such as Benjamin Franklin, James Madison, Abraham Lincoln, Ernest Hemingway, Gene Roddenberry, John Lennon, Barry White and many more were believed to be atheists

Even today, some well known people such as Woody Allen, Marlon Brando, George Carlin, Bill Gates, Jodie Foster, Seth Green, Sir Ian McKellen, Angelina Julie and so on are also believe to be atheists.

The most famous atheist that most atheists' know of was Madalyn Murry O'Hair who founded a group for atheists called "American Atheists."

"Every atheist should know who Madalyn O'Hair is," said David. "She was a big player in removing prayer in school."

David admitted that the considered joining "American Atheists", but he never joined.

"Not all atheists are apart of "American Atheists,"" said David. "It is hard to us all to agree on things since we all believe in different things. The only thing we have in common is that we are atheists," said David.

David believes that most people, in general, will make judgments about him once they find out that he is an atheist. Most of the time, people try to convert him into their way of thinking.

A friend David had back in high school was one of these people that seemed to think that his way of thinking was wrong.

"We had so much in common at first, but as soon as she mentioned religion, things we down hill. She begged me to try praying and opening my heart to Jesus," said David.

David and his friend did not talk for a year after that. It was not until he had study hall with her that he started to have debates with her.

David stated afterwards that this was the first time that he confronted someone about his atheism.

"Cassandra [his friend] always looked at it as a battle for my soul," said David.

It is because of his friend that he is wary of such extremists, but for the most part, he does not really think about what the rest of the world believes.

"Frankly, I believe people's beliefs are their own business, " said David.

David sees the world in a whole different way now that he has become an atheist. Being an atheist has made him less likely to be fooled by other people because he is skeptical towards others.

"Skepticism and atheism kind of god hand and hand," David said, "A healthy dose of skepticism would be needed."

David has learned a lot about people as well, and after becoming an atheist, he sees most people in a different light. He does not judge them for what they believe, as many others judge him, but he does believe that people are not daring enough to ask the question "why"?

"People tend to believe what they want to believe, without questioning it. They sometimes even deny evidence against it to maintain their beliefs," said David.

even with that in mind though, David does not believe that all people follow their faith blindly.

"I've learned a lot in religion, science and history. It has helped me see things in a different light," said David. "Plus, I can sleep in on Sundays."

Not only is David an atheist but his sister is one as well. His sister has not really researched into it like he has, so she has a hard time defending the fact that she is an atheist. He does know others that have researched even more so than he has.

"They didn't treat me like an outsider," said David.

David learned that atheists are of all ages and that most of them are normal people.

"I wanted to prove that I wasn't insane and that there were others like me, good people, funny people," said David.

David believes that most people would consider his outlook on life bleak and hopeless considering he believes everything is chaotic and things happen randomly. He sees this as a positive outlook though.

"There is no big brother to look after us," David said.

"The thing that David wants everyone to realize, whether they are Christian, Jewish, or Muslim, is that atheists are regular people.

"We are just regular people, who don't go to church on Sunday." Smiled David. "It isn't a bad thing."

RULES:
1) Answer the questions below
2) Take each answer and type it into dA search box
3) Take a deviation from the first page of results (may use ' popular' or 'newest' ) and post thumb (for subscribers) or link (non-subscribers)
4) You can't copy the persons answers who posted this before you

1. The age you will be on your next birthday: 26


2. A place you'd like to travel: New Zealand


3. Your favorite place: Hawaii


4. Your favorite object: My Computer


5. Favorite food: Mexican


6. Your favorite animal: White Tigers


7. Your favorite color(s): Purple


8. The town/state/etc in which you live: Seattle


9. Name of past pet: Saber


10. A dream come true: I'm sure whenever my dream comes true, it will include fireworks.


11. Your nickname/screen name: DreamAngel


12. Middle name: Denise


13. Favorite Smell: Rain


14. Bad habit of yours: Procrastination


15. Your first job: Grocery Store


16. Favorite Movie: I'm going with favorite t.v. show instead. Stargate SG-1


17. What are you doing right now? E-mailing


18. Whats The Weather Like? Chilly


19. Favorite Sport: Hockey


20. Favorite Music/Style/Band: Rock

You would be amazed at how many people actually die within a casino. Just think about this for a second. When someone thinks about their death, they don't think they are going to be within a casino , a car, or anywhere but home. Most people want to die surrounded by their loved ones. Instead, you are in a smoke filled casino, pushing a little button on a slot machine in hopes of winning a little bit of money (but you are most likely losing), and you are surrounded by a bunch of drunken idiots. That has to be the worse possible way to go in my mind. I can just picture it. The moment the person falls to the ground, the people at the other machines look at you, call for some help, and then continue to push that little button because they don't care enough to try and help.

I'm not sure if that was how it happened yesterday, but that is just how I picture it. Normally, something like that would bother me too much because people die in this casino all the time. I don't usually know where they person died, and so I'm able to keep it out of my mind. Last night though, I knew exactly where the man died. It wasn't because I saw him die, it was because his daughter and her husband came into the casino in tears. I saw them talking to Secruity at first, and then they were left alone to do their thing (whatever that was). Accidently, one of them turned the service light on, and I went over to help them like I was suppose to. That was when the woman told me that her father died at that machine, and she simply wanted to be in the last place that her father was in for a few moments. I told her that I was sorry for her loss, and that I hope everything turns out well for her family. What else was I suppose to say?

Honestly, despite the fact I don't like touching strangers, I wanted to reach out a hug the woman for her loss. The display of emotions kind of got to me, and for a moment I understood why the woman was there. It was something she needed to do to bring her some comfort.

Comment to this post saying something - anything - about me. I'll then put what you've said in my profile.

Then post this in your journal, so we can do the same thing for you!

I don't know when I last updated this thing. I'm pretty sure it has been at least a few months. I haven't even posted quizzes. Of course, I could have a reason for this though it is easy to say that I just don't have a lot to say. Actually, now that I think about it, that is not really true. I've had a few things to say, I just haven't said them.

I suppose I can start with the biggest news in my life so far. I don't think it has even been a month yet, but David and I broke up. It happened sometime in June, and while it is a mutual thing, I couldn't seem to stop myself from crying the night it happened. I think perhaps it was just the shock of it all despite the fact that it seemed like it was coming. My family was thrilled to say the least. Of course, they never really considered us a couple in the first place, so to them it wasn't a big deal. I'm not sure what his family thought about it though.

After David and I broke up, my mom came to visit for a few days. David didn't really say much of anything while she was around, and honestly mom and I weren't around much anyway. He was probably kind of lonely. Anyway, mom and I really didn't do too much. We went whale watching, which was kind of fun. My pictures didn't turn out very well, but I few pictures of the whales while they were swimming by. It was also a nice drive to Port Townsend. Oh, and we also drove up to Canada one day after work. We actually didn't go into Canada as I don't have a passport, but we came close to Canada at least. My mom's friend met us in the United States, and we visited with him for a few hours before we drove back to Federal Way. All and all, it really wasn't much, but it was nice to see mom for a few days.

David finally got a job which he seems to like. He doesn't usually like jobs, but I have a feeling that the reason why he likes this job is because he is actually making friends. To me it seems he has a bit of a crush on some girl that works with him. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that myself, so I'm not going to comment. I'm just going to go with it for now. It really doesn't have anything to do with me anymore, so I guess it really isn't my business in the first place.

Speaking of work, I've been working for 4 months now. That means that I finally got my raise, and my paychecks are higher than they have ever been before. Despite the fact that I'm working nights, I pretty much like my job. Like I've said before, it is the easiest thing I've ever done, but it gets kind of boring after a few hours. The people I work with keep it entertaining at least.

I have more to say, but right now I'm just going to leave things like this. I'll leave a more insightful post for later.

KC has been full of all sorts of drama the past few days, and honestly I'm not sure I know where to start except from the beginning. I'll give all of you a summary first before I jump into my opinion.

( The Summary )

As for my opinion on this whole matter, this is where it gets a little confusing, so I'll start with the dragon thing first. I've all ready explained everything to Hayley, so the only thing I can really think of at this point is to just post the conversation, or at least what I said in the conversation to explain what I mean. I'm taking it directly off the log, and I changed my screen name so no one comes to flame me later on.

( My opinion on how dragons should be treated in Dragonlance. )

That leaves the banning issue, which has caused quite an uproar in the KC community (if you wish to call it that).

When I first heard what happened (and read what it was Nathan said to Ashley), I honestly thought it was a little on the funny side. If it was said to me, I admit that I would have probably blocked his ass and never spoke to him again. It wasn't said to me though, it was said to Ashley. Nathan knows her pretty well, and he knows how to push her buttons which is what I think Nathan was trying to do in this case. Nathan (like everyone else who has come in contact with Ashley) knows she overreacts to every little thing stated to her. In this case, she did exactly what most would have expected: she overreacted and she when crying to her friends. In the end Nathan was permanently banned from KC.

I've read over the KC rules a few times in the past few days, and not anywhere in those rules does it state that if you make some kind of crude comment to a person on AIM when speaking about the chat that you are at risk of being warned or banned from the chat itself. It states that if you make crude or uncalled for comments within the chat or boards then you are subject to the consequences.

We all are guilty of crude comments over AIM (and even in the chats at times), so if that is the case then most of the users in KC should probably be banned for sexually harassing someone else. The KC admins do not and will never have the right to monitor private conversations between two people. They have the right to monitor conversations in the chats and in the boards ONLY.

On that note I think I will go ahead and end this extremely long entry. Hopefully, I didn't get all of the details screwed up, but if I did I am sorry.

I really like this song, so I thought I would post it.


I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has past
Oh, God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you
That forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel?
That is the question
But I forget
You don't expect an easy answer

When something like a soul
Becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect the bitter folks
And while your outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what your staring at is me

Cause' I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has past
All I know is that it feels like forever
And no one ever tells you
That forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real
So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
And if that came from the heart
It never did, right from the start
Just listen to the noises(Now I'm more, instead of voices)

Before You tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has past
Now all I know is that feels like forever
And no one ever tells you
That forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

Cause' I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has past
Now all I know is that it feels like forever
And no one ever tells you
That forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars... the stars... that shine for you
And it's the stars... the stars... that lie to you

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has past
Oh, God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you
That forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

Cause' I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has past
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you
That forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars... the stars... that shine for you
And it's the stars... the stars... that lie to you
And it's the stars... the stars... that shine for you
And it's the stars... the stars... that lie to you

Oh, when the stars... Oh, when the stars... they lie

1. FIRST NAME: Heather
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Not really. My aunt liked the name Heather so my mom kind of stole it from her considering my aunt wasn't going to have anymore children and she really wanted a girl. She got two boys instead.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? A few weeks ago, I think.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Sometimes
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Turkey
6. KIDS? Not right now.
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Maybe
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yes, two of them.
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? I suppose I do, I guess.
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Maybe.
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? I don't eat cereal a lot, so I don't have a favorite.
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope
14. DO YOU THINK ARE STRONG? Ha! I'm a whimp.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.
16. SHOE SIZE? 9
17. RED OR PINK? Red
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Weight.
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My family and my cat.
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES YOU ARE WEARING? White socks and a pair of Mickey Mouse shorts.
22. LAST THING YOU ATE? Subway
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Stargate in the background
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Um, I'm not really sure. Probably blue or something like that.
25. What is your FAVORITE SMELL? Rain
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE? My mom
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Hair then eyes
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? No one really sent it to me, but I guess.
29. FAVORITE DRINK? Diet Coke
30. FAVORITE SPORT? Softball/Baseball, Hockey
32. EYE COLOR? Blue, Dark Brown, Green
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope.
34. FAVORITE FOOD? Honestly, I don't think I have a favorite.
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Happy ending.
36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Where the Heart is
37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? A black shirt
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter.
39. HUGS OR KISSES? Both
40. FAVORITE DESSERT? Anything chocolate
41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Uh...no one.
42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Like I said, no one is going to respond, so this question is invalid.
43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Nothing lately
44. What is on My Mouse pad? Tiger Cubs
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? The fourth season of Stargate
46. FAVORITE SOUNDS? The wind
47. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? I really don't want to pick because I really don't like either.
48. THE FURTHEST YOU BEEN FROM HOME? Jamaica
50. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? May 30, 1982. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

( Name Info )


( Birthday Info )